His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
