apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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