come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
