what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize