She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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