good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
