No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
