epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
