Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
