is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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