is your mom at the bar?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
