My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
