Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
