apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
