Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
