if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
