i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
