my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
