I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
