So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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