I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
