when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
