I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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