I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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