oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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