Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
