You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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