I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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