You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
