Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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