so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my being single is dangerous.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
