why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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