Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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