if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
