i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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