I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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