I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
