Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
