my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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