I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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