$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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