He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize