I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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