My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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