I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
