every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
