ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
