I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize