If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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