You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
