What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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