Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
