So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
