This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
