her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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