I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
