I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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