So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
