You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize