i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
