Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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