Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
