No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
