Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
